I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
