At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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