i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
