i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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