Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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