she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
