can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
