you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
