your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
