fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
