Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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