I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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