And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
