i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize