you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
