Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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