kristin has been a bad kristin
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
