the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
