Can i not drive my cunt home
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
