meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
