I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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