Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
