I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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