Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
