Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
