id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
