I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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