Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
she woke up with a sticky ear
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
