Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.

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(716): View more from New York

I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you

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(734): View more from Michigan

I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted

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(601): View more from Mississippi

Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina

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(903): View more from Texas

I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.

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(44): View more from United Kingdom

hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time

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