I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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