Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
