remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
tonight lets celebrate not being married
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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