i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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