I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
