This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
