my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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