what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
