i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
