I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
not ubering you a puppy
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
