Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
