I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
