He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
