I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
false alarm. still invincible.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
