hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
