I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
