capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
