you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
