guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
