Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The best revenge is premature balding
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
