I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Shame is for Republicans.
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