well I can't set my house on fire every night
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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