but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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