Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
