I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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