i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
