new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
