If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I supernannyed him into submission
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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