Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
