i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize