i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
