He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
