Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
