I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
