3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
