He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
